Film Review: Jason Statham on Crank

— by Caroline on Crack

*Sorta spoiler to follow*

Public sex in the middle of crowded Chinatown, bike jacking a motorcycle cop, taking on a bar full of big black guys, driving through an indoor mall pursued by cops–don’t stop cuz you’ll die. Don’t think either because then you won’t enjoy the ride.

Crank is Speed except instead of the hero thwarting a bomb on a bus, hitman Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) is trying to prevent his heart from stopping. It’s an interesting premise but I’m not going to even pretend to examine plot lines or character development or bring up its political incorrectness because to do so would take away my enjoyment of this film.

See for yourself, check your sensitivities at the theater door and chalk this movie up to a guilty pleasure like that reality show you don’t even admit to your best friend to watching. Except I don’t feel as guilty about liking this movie.

Yes, I laughed during the scenes when guys got their heads blown off and many innocent people got caught in the crossfire. Watching Jason Statham kick a cab driver out of his cab and yell “Al Qaeda! Al Qaeda!” to a group of people who then attacked the poor driver? Fuh-nny! OK, yes, I’m going to hell.

Crank had many moments like that. Enough isms to offend everyone. And things were just so ridiculously violent that you couldn’t help but guffaw. OMG, so bloody. I could tell it got pretty graphic as I hid behind my hair and listened to the audience “Oof!” and “Ouch!” and I emerged to find a character splattered with brains. I am thankful to the editor of the film for pausing in the one scene where Chev is about to chop some guy’s hand off with a meat cleaver. Nice heads-up for the squeamish.

Anyway, I like Jason Statham, action hero. He has an Everyman quality that bulky guys like Arnold or Vin Diesel lack. Sure, he has that thick English accent but he doesn’t talk all that much and he’s hot in a seething kind of way. Also, Amy Smart’s one-dimensional character and her circumstances are a funny take on the typical girl an action hero has to drag around. I’ll leave it at that.

This film is great for mindless instant gratification, when you just want to go to the movies and not think about the environment or learn to see your world differently. Great for a summer night out with friends or, groan, a date movie. Then afterwards go to your local dive bar to drink some beer and throw some darts, just don’t discuss the movie.